If time heals all wounds, why has it only made this one worse?
1. You have no idea how much i cared about you. I constantly fought with my mom just so that i could have you around for one more day. I know i wasnt perfect, but when you’re under that much stress from your family about your relationship, you turn into a fuck up. If you knew who i am now, i can guarantee you wont recognize me. I changed, but it was too late. You changed, you’re not the same and i wish i could remember you as the person i knew, but she tainted my memory of you and quite frankly it sucks. You are ALWAYS on my mind and i cant seem to find a way to get you out of it. I thought that breaking up was what you wanted, i didnt want to hold you back. The night before we broke up you told me you regretted our relationship, thats when i knew i had to let you go. I cried that WHOLE night knowing what i was going to do. I prayed that we would still be friends or that by some miracle everything would get better and we could be happy together again. but youre happy now with her, and even though the thought of you not being with me haunts me every morning when i wake up, until i go to sleep again, i know it was in your best interest. I didnt lie when i said I’d always love you. I really wish you didnt hate me, im beginning to think you do. there is not a worse feeling in the world than having to stand there with you and have you not even acknowledge my presence. Im beginning to think you never loved me, you moved on so fast. I saw that you tried to hit up grace 9 days after we broke up. That killed me. just like your eyes, just like your face, just like your smile. Your memory will always guide everything i do and i still to this day cry about you. I know you dont feel the same and that kills me too. Just know that I love you, always have and always will. even if you never did the same. && if one day you come across this, just know youre always welcome back in my life even if its just for one day. and youre welcome to read my blog too, thats the sole reason i havent changed the URL, all for you.
2. I cant believe i wasted my time on a stupid crush, when i was in love with someone real. thank god this stupid thing ended. im an ungrateful bitch.
3. I’ll miss you when i go off to college. If it werent for you i probably would go way farther. You are the only person who i can be completely myself with. I know you will never leave my life, cuz we’re blood.
4. I wish we were going to the same college, but God didnt want that it seems. You are my best friend and someone i can basically talk to about anything. I’m so happy that we’ve become close again as high school came to an end. You deserve so much better than him, but i know what its like to be in love with someone and i dont want you to end something beautiful because of others input. only you know the full story so only you can decide whats right for you. dont make the same mistake i did, listen to you heart, not the world.
5. Its sad that we dont hang out as often as we did back in the old days, i understand that you have other friends now, i get it. but it would be nice to have some time together and do something other than nothing. i wish you got along with my other friends. Im tired of all drama.
6. You seem to be doing well, Its hard to remember the days we were friends. It was fun while it lasted, it would be nice to catch up though. I can never thank you enough for getting him to talk to me back in tenth grade. My life would have been soo much different if you had not have done that, even though it didnt work out in the end. I hope we meet again, and just know that we are cool.
7. Im such a bitch. I cant seem to move on from him and im so sorry that i have led you on more than i could have ever intended to do so in the first place. I’m simply using you as a kickstand. I like the attention I get from you and being able to treat someone like a boyfriend, but i dont like you more than a friend. I like the idea of you. the idea that someone could love someone as selfish, needy, bitchy, cruel, and worthless as me. You deserve to be treated better, and my pain is no excuse to hurt you. You are my best friend and know more than most people do about me. I’m sorry i led you on.
8. I regret giving you a second chance at a friendship. I didnt even like you until you gave me the impression that you liked me. You have been a good friend since 8th grade and i thought you were a nice guy after hearing all the nice things you had to say about daniella and how caring you were. I had always had this on again off again crush on you, but i never thought you would feel the same. then one day you did, and you led me on. and i was scared to start a new relationship. I didnt want to hurt his feelings mostly. so i kept the affection to a minimum. I wish i had tried harder looking back, but i doubt it would have worked out in my favor anyway. I wish you could have given me a valid reason so i wouldnt have to feel like it was something i did or keep questioning why my relationships keep failing. I was not ready to move on, i was still in love with him. and im sorry for that. but giving you a second chance at friendship so you could wind up screwing me over, is a big regret. sure, it was fun. but in the end, i just couldn’t bear with the thought that there is something wrong with me. Honestly, i couldnt believe my luck cuz i thought you could do so much better than me and i guess you thought that too. thanks to you, i trust no guy with my heart. i dont need another person to build me up just to tear me down. but i wish you were still my friend, i could really use a friend.
9. never in my life have i met someone so inconsiderate and cruel. You are a bitch. you dropped me as a friend despite my apologies and everything. you park in my spot to spite me and turned a shit load of people against us. i cant believe i was friends with someone as cruel and mean as you. FUCK YOU.
